thoughts on life

the social network

2011-05-28T06:41:00.002+09:00

I finally watched The Social Network for the first time and it is FANTASTIC! It gave me this incredible motivation to dream again. It motivated me to dream, innovate, create and think outside of the box. It reminded me of the guy who created Netflix because he had a large late fee after losing his rented copy of "Apollo 13", and this year made Time's list of 100 most influential people. Or the guy who founded FedEx, who proposed the idea as a senior thesis, received an F because the idea was infeasible, but when on to try his idea anyway.

I am not motivated to be a millionaire or create the next big thing, but I do have big dreams and Mark Zuckerberg inspires me to follow them.

a year ago...

2011-04-07T08:49:00.000+09:00

I think the phrase "a year ago" comes up a lot for me. My mind naturally looks at the big picture of things and so I often think of my life in comparison to where I've been before.

Two years ago today I got in a terrible car accident that certainly was one of the bigger events in my life so far. There are a lot of things that I compare to that day. Thank God I didn't die. At least all I hurt was my leg. Remember all those people that expressed their love. 6 months later and I can hike! 18 months later, after my follow-up surgery, and it's only uphill from here.

The funny thing is, this year I actually forgot about that anniversary that was so important to me, because I have been more consumed with the fact that one year ago this week I got a job at a hospital! One year ago marks the beginning of going to work everyday to serve patients. I truly love my job. I am a Nurse Assistant. I have the "dirty" job and I am at the bottom of the food chain. However, I spend more time with patients than any other hospital employee, sometimes I even spend my entire shift in a patient's room. Of course there are some moments that are hard, horrible, disgusting or sad, but overall, I love it. And I LOVE what it's teaching me and where I'll get to go from here.

I do want to start sharing more stories from the hospital, but there is this little thing called HIPAA that is very strict about confidentiality. I will in fact share some stories, but they might be a little vague and even the gender won't be indicative of the real patient.

I worked on the Oncology floor a lot last week. We lost two patients in one week. Cancer is sad. They were both young and both of their bodies were just ravished by aggressive cancers. The thing I loved about these patients is that they both were very tender. They were weak and sad that they were losing their lives. However in that, when all they could muster up was a smile, it was an honor to serve them in their final days. It was hard to know there was nothing we could do, but sobering to know that it really was it for them. The hospital doesn't always feel so sad, but this week it was.

ending uphill

2011-03-30T11:08:00.008+09:00

I always end a run sprinting as fast as I can. There is something about it that makes me feel like I gave it my all, even if there were other times during the run that I wanted to quit, at least I ended well. Today, I was running to my friend's house and I knew the last block was uphill. I debated back and forth on whether I just wanted to stop a block early instead of run that last bit. I really didn't want to sprint uphill.

Guiding at Wilderness Ranch, we had to pass timed runs. One year the camp director changed the infamous two-mile course and had it end uphill. We were all so frustrated and quite annoyed at this; but, ya know what, it demanded the best out of us.

I think about this a lot in the hospital. I see people everyday that, unfortunately, are also ending uphill. Their lives are ending with an uphill battle that they will eventually lose. We often think that life reaches these glorious peaks as we grow up, and then as we get much older, we retire and its smooth sailing until the end. We think one day we'll finally get to turn the cruise control on. In reality, the majority of people end their lives by fighting like hell, whether its cancer, heart disease or just complications from old age. Sadly, the end of their life cannot be put on cruise control. But, like that course at Wilderness Ranch, life demands our best, so I will take the life in front of me and sprint uphill.

big pimpin', still rollin'

2011-01-04T03:32:00.003+09:00

Yet another hurdle is the cultural glamorization of pimping. From the Oscar-nominated pimp-with-a-heart-of-gold flick Hustle & Flow to the fact that the very word "pimp" has become synonymous with "cool" in urban America, society treats child molesters as monsters, but glorifies the men who turn troubled children into money-making sex workers.

"You have self proclaimed pimps and drug dealers like Ice T, who capitalized on the lifestyle," says Jim Saleda of the Oakland Police Department in California, who has been working "the track"—the block or street where prostitutes operate—in that city for 10 years. "I find it ironic that he now makes a ton of money playing a sexual assault detective on Law and Order: SVU."

Meanwhile, the children themselves often become double victims: first of the pimps, and then of the justice system, where they face arrest and jail for consenting to sex for money—even though in most states children under 17 can't legally consent to sex at all.

"People look at a girl brought here from Korea as a victim, but a girl from the block, she's seen as a nasty girl, a dirty girl," says Muhammida El-Muhajir of GEMS, a non-profit group that provides housing and services to victims of child sexual exploitation in New York City.

Taken from The Daily Beast, The Pimps of America's Underage Sex Trade, Read the full story

thank you Jay Z

2010-12-17T18:01:00.003+09:00

Thank you for apologizing Jay Z, your lyrics ARE something to be ashamed of. I am not saying that every one of Jay Z's songs has been terrible. I actually thoroughly enjoy most of the beats and music he produces. But, have you actually listened to the lyrics? Let's just use "Big Pimpin'" as an example. Yes I, too, danced like crazy whenever this song came on, especially the night of junior prom as we rode around in our limo with it on repeat. But, if only I had actually listened to the lyrics?!

My purchase of that song was my vote towards supporting his music and making it a huge success. And the whole theme of the song is about degrading, manipulating and selling women! (Excuse the profanity) The first line of the first verse says, "I - thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em." The song goes on to describe how pimps treat their girls, or hoes, as he puts it. He mentions not feeding them, not paying them, "making a mill' off a sorry hoe," beating them, drugging them and, of course, selling them.

The sad thing is, this is in fact a reality for thousands of girls in America. Most girls that end up in these situations are runaways or from low-income backgrounds, and got involved because they were looking for love, security and a little money. But each quickly learns that this man (her pimp) who is giving her attention has only reeled her in to turn around and sell her night after night. The girls typically never see a dime of the money and are manipulated with drugs, beatings and rapes. Any strength or worth they may have had has been stolen from them, all so the pimps can buy some new rims.

I refuse to support musicians that perpetuate the glorification of pimps, when, in reality, pimps are one of the closest representations of evil in our society today.

You can read a more in depth article about Jay Z's regret of his lyrics, read more. You can also learn more about GEMS, an organization doing incredible work with empowering and rescuing women from the sex industry, read more.

if i had a million dollars

2010-12-15T19:15:00.010+09:00

I am guilty. I have daydreamed many times of what I would do if I had a million dollars and, even further, of what I would do if I won the lotto. Sometimes I think I might actually win the lotto and then sometimes I am embarassed to say that outloud. Regardless, this is what I'd do if I happened upon an extreme excess of cash:

A) Call Kenny Kramer and set up investments for the money
B) Pay off my medical and student loan debt
C) Buy a car
D) Put away enough to pay for medical school
E) Give large amounts to these 10 organizations:

1) Mountain T.O.P.
2) Toth Ministries
3) RMR Backcountry
4) Wilderness Ranch
5) Amigos
6) GEMS
7) Invisible Children
8) Night Light
9) Not For Sale
10) Yobel Market
11) Doctors Without Borders
12) Antioch Community Church Fort Collins
13) Washtenaw County YoungLife
14) Northern Colorado YoungLife
15) Wilderness Ministry Institute
*I know, I just couldn't stop at 10!

AJT 10 years: the sharp knife of a short life

2010-11-11T08:12:00.015+09:00

Today marks 10 years since three of my friends died in a terrible car accident. I cannot believe it's been 10 years. I knew this was coming; I woke up this morning, saw the date on my phone and could think of nothing other than the events 10 years ago.

I remember how amazing each of the girls was. I remember how fun Tia was, graceful Jen was and free Amanda was. But I also remember a mother yelling at me for saying on the phone, "there was a car accident" and not starting with, "your daughter is okay," since her daughter was just a bystander. I remember how scarred the other girls in the car were and surely still are. I remember how scarred the other girls who arrived on the scene were. I remember how painful it was to wait around for the news of each of their passing in the 48 hours that followed. I remember the wailing of a younger brother at the funeral. I remember the grief, stress and tension that followed our class the rest of the year.

But I also remember that those events shaped who I am today. I will never choose work over relationships and I will always remember the poignant truth that life is short. I remember the new friendships that formed where others left a hole. I remember the celebration of graduation, including balloons falling from the ceiling and a special message straight from Lynyrd Skynyrd (our class song was Free Bird). It's funny how joy in comparison to grief is so much sweeter. I remember the song, "Angels Before Your Time" that put words to their lives that, at the time, we could not.

On this day, I can't help but think, who would you be? What degree would you have graduated with? What kind of work would you be doing? Where would you be living? Would you be married? have kids? Every day I am honored and thankful that I get to answer those questions. I get to choose what I want my life to be. Amanda, Jennifer and Tia, you are not forgotten, we love you, we miss you.

If you remember the song played at Amanda's funeral called "Angels Before Your Time," you can download it to listen by right clicking on the link.

And tell me when you heard this song on country radio this year, that you didn't think of 11/11/00?!:

surgery #2 = success, i think

2010-10-29T15:39:00.003+09:00

I had my second, and hopefully last, surgery on my leg on Wednesday, and it went great!! To make a long story short, I fell asleep at the wheel and hit an oncoming car* in April of 2009. It was a head on collision going 60mph, so let's just say there was some damage. I broke my leg in several places, see the disgusting, yet impressive x-ray below that shows both breaks in the femur and one in the kneecap. They put a rod in my femur and two screws and some wire in my patella. After 1.5 years of recovery, I was "plateau-ing" because I was having very pointed pain in my patella. The good thing is this was expected and typically once the hardware is removed, the pain disappears!!

So on Wednesday I had the surgery so that I could hopefully once and for all move on and fully recover from these injuries. The surgery went fantastic:
1) the hardware was removed successfully
2) the surgeon discovered I did in fact damage my PCL, which is a bummer, but as long as I keep my quads strong, I shouldn't have a problem with it
3) the surgeon cleaned out what he called a "messy" knee joint, I had a lot of scar tissue and rough bone growths from the breaking and healing, but he smoothed it all out and is optimistic that I should see significant improvement

It's only been two days, but here are the eventful moments from the past two days:

First of all, thank you to Katie and Scotty, the greatest friends ever for taking care of me the first 24 hours after surgery!!
Day 1 - surgery day, I felt great, we laughed a lot, I felt barely any pain, couldn't believe it was so easy
Night 1 - woke up at 2:30am with quite a bit of pain, but took some vicodin and knocked it out
Day 2 - day after, I felt great again, my knee was still numb most of the day from anesthetics and constant icing, could totally walk around the house fine, we still couldn't believe it was so easy, but then....
Dr. Appt - Mackenzie took me to my doctor's office, just 2 miles away, in the short drive I got really nauseous, then at the office I continued to feel super hot, nauseous and light-headed and told Kenz that I needed to get home to lay down quickly. After my first surgery, this was a very typical response of my body to narcotics, so..... I decided to stop taking vicodin
Night 2 - slept all night! which means I went 8 hours without pain pills or icing, uh oh! I tried getting out of bed and for the first time could really feel my knee and it felt like JELLO! I think the combo of pain and anxiety from all the trauma associated with my leg in the past two years, I just couldn't put that foot down. So I hobbled to the kitchen, got ice, started numbing the knee and waited until my roommates woke up.

Here I am chillin' on the couch, watching movies, getting bored, reading blogs, following tweets, editing websites, napping, etc. If you live in the Fort, come visit! If you don't, feel free to call or email, I have plenty of time to respond. :)

*NOTE: If you never heard the story the first time, once you get past how horrible it was, it is pretty funny, because the oncoming car I hit was a state trooper. Who does that? Who gets in a car accident in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere and hits a trooper?! Me :)

the worship industry

2010-10-21T10:01:00.000+09:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the worship industry and I think Brian McLaren describes it well in this video. A couple of the projects I am working on right now for Toth Ministries has me thinking about worship everyday; what it is and what it could be. It is a beautiful thing and there are a lot of great resources out there. But it is easy to get caught up in being a consumer and miss the fact that worship is actually about our amazing Father.

basic

2010-10-20T09:51:00.001+09:00

Francis Chan, one of my favorite speakers, just came out with his second film in the BASIC series. You can watch it for free until Thursday at noon here http://premiere.basicseries.com/ This series is going to be incredible, check out the trailer for the entire project, which will consist of 7 short films. Enjoy!

will mcdonald's kill you?

2010-10-14T00:12:00.004+09:00

ition

This commercial is pretty extreme, but the sad thing is that it's true. Of course McDonald's is not the only company serving food of this nature, but they definitely are the leader in the industry.

I got this from a great article about whether this commercial goes too far or if it does just what it needs to actually get the message across: How Bad is McDonald's Food.

fans on the field

2010-10-10T20:15:00.001+09:00

Today I got to run in one of the coolest races I have ever done. We started at Invesco field where the Broncos play, ran to Coors Field where the Rockies play, ran to the Pepsi Center where the Nuggets play and finished back at Invesco! We ran across all three sports venues and even got on the big screen at Invesco as we were finishing. The event was a fundraiser for the National Sports Center for the Disabled and as a participant we scored two free Nuggest tickets!!

chasing pavements

2010-09-30T17:45:00.005+09:00

I found out some unfortunate news a few days ago. I was put on the wait list for the one med school I really want to go to. It's not a denial, so that's good, but it is still not an acceptance. I could be accepted anytime between now and the first day of classes next August. The hard thing is, how do I plan for the next 11 months? Will I get in? Will I spend another year playing the waiting game?

Today the wonderful tool of Pandora played a great song for me: Chasing Pavements by Adele. It's about love, not med school, but the main line is so applicable!

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Adele says that chasing pavements refers to running down an empty road towards nothing. Right now all the work I have done in the past three years to apply to med school has seemed like chasing pavement. It feels like a lot of running after something that has just returned to me nothing. However, I know this isn't true. I am going to keep after my dream of becoming a physician. I am going to continue doing whatever I can to improve my chances of getting in. And I will keep applying each year. Meanwhile, maybe I will get in off the wait list!!

But for a few more days, I will probably play this song on repeat as I continue to be sad and frustrated about what seems to be more and more like a rat race.

last question - what is the biggest problem in the world today?

2010-09-23T12:18:00.003+09:00

Of course this is an extremely tough question. They are many issues that I am personally involved in, and there are so many more that are just as serious. But when you look closer at the root causes, it all comes down to one thing.

I think the biggest problem in the world today is SELFISHNESS. Inequality, discrimination, corruption and every other symptom of struggling communities ultimately is a result of selfishness. Whether we are talking about starvation, HIV/AIDS, infectious disease, political corruption, trafficking, etc. All of these problems could be solved if those who have a lot share with those who have little. Right now the estimated cost to end human trafficking globally is $14 billion. In 2008, Americans alone spent $17 billion on Valentine’s Day.*

This is just one example of resources that could improve the lives of many being wasted on the selfish desires of a few.

*Numbers taken from the World Affairs Blog Network

question #8 - what do you think of medical marijuana?

2010-09-22T07:34:00.001+09:00

There are many studies showing that marijuana can ease some pain. There are also many studies showing that marijuana has no added benefit in pain relief over regularly prescribed medications. Regardless of the stance of the medical community on the effectiveness of marijuana for pain relief, recent advancements in the medical marijuana industry is not actually about patients. Rulon Stacey, PVHS’s CEO, says it best in his recent blog about medical marijuana, “Even if marijuana is beneficial to patients, why do we need to have medical marijuana “dispensaries?” Why don’t we need “medical morphine” dispensaries or “medical oxycontin” dispensaries? Both are routinely used in the provision of medical care?” Marijuana is the only drug that has been taken out of the pharmacists’ hands and distributed by non-medical professionals. This in itself proves that the push for legalizing and distributing medical marijuana is not actually about patients, but rather political or personal agendas. If it was about the patients, it would be left up to pharmacists to distribute like every other drug prescription.

question #7 - Talk about the new Health Care Reform.

2010-09-20T23:52:00.004+09:00

On March 23, 2010 President Obama signed into law the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. To get to a place where everyone in America is covered with affordable and quality health insurance is going to take a long time on a bumpy, complicated road. However, I definitely think the new law is a step in the right direction, though nothing is perfect.

Below are the highlights I have picked out and put into my own terms. I will give little to no opinions in this section, just the facts so hopefully after reading this you will feel like you understand the changes underway.

PATIENT PROTECTION AND AFFORDABLE CARE ACT

Effective June 21, 2010

Adults with pre-existing conditions will be eligible to join a temporary high-risk pool with premiums set for a standard population rather than for a higher health risk population.

Effective July 1, 2010

Establish a National Prevention, Health Promotion and Public Health Council in which the Surgeon General serves as the chairperson.

Effective September 23, 2010 (Thursday!!)

Dependents can remain on their parents’ insurance plan until their 26th birthday including those that are not living with parents, not dependents, not students or are married.
Insurers’ abilities to enforce annual spending caps will be restricted (and completely prohibited by 2014).

Insurers cannot:

Exclude pre-existing medical conditions for children under the age of 19.
Charge co-payments or deductibles for Level A or Level B preventive care and medical screenings on all new insurance plans (on all existing plans effective 2018), e.g. 50+ year old female getting a mammogram, 50+ year old person getting a colonoscopy.
Drop policyholders when they get sick. (seems like common sense)

January 1, 2011

Insurers will be required to spend 85% of large-group and 80% of small-group and individual plan premiums on actual health care or to improve health-care quality, or return the difference to the customer as a rebate.

This basically forces insurance companies to spend less than 15% or 20%, respectively, on administrative costs. This is heading in the right direction! See my discussion about how much money we are wasting on an inefficient system.)

January 1, 2014

Expand Medicaid eligibility to individuals with income up to 133% of the poverty line (income of $14,404).
Set a maximum of $2000 annual deductible for a plan covering a single individual or $4000 for any other plan. (wohoooo!!)
New tax on pharmaceutical companies that is expected to create $2.5 billion in annually.
New tax on health insurance companies that is expected to create $14.3 billion annually.
Everyone must secure health insurance. If not, annual penalty is $95 or 1% of income, whichever is greater. This will increase to $695 or 2.5% of income by 2016. These fees apply to individuals, family rates are different. Exemptions are permitted for financial hardship or religious beliefs.
Employed individuals who pay more than 9.5% of income on health insurance may purchase the state-controlled option.
Establish health insurance exchanges and subsidization of insurance premiums for individuals with income up to 400% of the poverty line (income of $43,320). This is basically an organized marketplace for the purchase of health insurance. If implemented properly it will make the market more efficient and promote transparency and accountability to protect consumers.

Insurers cannot:

Discriminate against or charge higher rates for any individuals based on pre-existing medical conditions. (finally!)
Establish annual spending caps.

Random Provisions

10% tax increase on indoor tanning services. (9/23/10)
Chain restaurants and food vendors must display caloric content on menus, including drive-throughs and vending machines. (1/1/14)

*I did not include: expanded benefits to Medicare participants, tax incentives for small businesses providing health insurance, penalties for businesses over 50 employees not offering insurance.

question #6 - what is the most pressing issue in medicine today?

2010-09-20T11:15:00.006+09:00

The #1 thing that is killing people in the world is cardiovascular disease, more than cancer, more than AIDS. Over 90% of those deaths are a result of lifestyle choices and, therefore, preventable. If you include cerebrovascular disease (often leading to strokes), which is a result of the same lifestyle choices and also preventable, three times as many people die from preventable, reversible diseases than the ir-reversible HIV/AIDS. I think the #1 killer MUST be the most pressing issue in medicine; it certainly is for developed countries. (Boone Heart Institute is doing incredible work in this field, check out what Dr. Boone has to say.)

In developing countries, the most pressing issue becomes a little more complex. Is it public health? education? HIV/AIDS? mosquito-carried diseases? I think in developing countries, it is the treatment, education and care for females. It is proven that if women are given a few resources and a decent education, they will change the cycle of their household, their family and even their village at better rates than their male counterparts. That is if they are given a chance. Women suffer from gender inequality that often literally takes their life, whether they are aborted just because they are female as is common in Asia, raped and murdered in the Congo or spend their whole life working in fields or fetching water because school fees are too expensive. They are often never even given a chance to be good mothers, caretakers and members of their community. Can you imagine if one woman in a village was educated on proper nutrition, common medical symptoms and how to safely deliver a baby? How much more will her children and neighbors have a healthy start in life?!

Bill Gates, responding to a question on the goals for the advancement of Saudia Arabia, said “If you’re not fully utilizing half the talent in your country, you’re not going to get very far.” Utilizing women can be a solution to not only global health, but economics, politics and technology. (Taken from a Ted talk by Sheryl WuDunn, “Our Century’s Greatest Injustice”)

Finally, systematically, the most pressing medical issue in the US is the current health care system and its shortcomings. There are 48 million uninsured people in the US and 826,000 in Colorado. 62% of all bankruptcies are linked to medical expenses. And thousands of people are discriminated against because of their current or past health. Obama’s administration just wrote Health Care Reform into law, but there is a lot of apprehension on all sides and still much to improve on, but it is a first step! Physicians are concerned about how their field will change, patients are drowning in bills they can’t pay and insurance companies are making way too much for an industry that should be not-for-profit. We are making some steps forward, but I am anxious to see what we can do in the next decade.
New Health Reform

question #5 - name something you are most proud of

2010-09-18T08:10:00.001+09:00

I am most proud of my work with Mountain T.O.P. It wasn’t easy and, obviously, I eventually left, but my two years of work with MTOP was incredible. I was part of a small team that was extremely dedicated to revitalizing the organization. We got to rebuild most of the operations, which hopefully turned it into a more sustainable program and improved the quality of service to the people of the Appalachian Mountains, who are the reason MTOP exists in the first place. On top of that, I got to live daily life right alongside the people we served and my life is much richer because of it.

Thank you Jeff, Pat and Ed and the whole MTOP community for an incredible two years!!

question #4 - what was your favorite college course and why?

2010-09-17T17:47:00.004+09:00

Believe it or not, my favorite college course was Engineering 100, Design and the Real World taught by Professor Daida. At the time, I didn’t care much for the course because it was a tough work load and I wasn’t exactly in love with the whole engineering world. However, having taken the class 9 years ago, I can say it was definitely the best class I took in my entire undergrad education.

Half of the class was how to think like engineers and we went through famous or current case studies of engineering failures. I remember one class he passed around a diaper and talked us through the engineering of it. We discussed the pressure being put on diaper companies because their product is one of the major culprits of overflowing non-reusable waste on our earth. Finally, we reviewed new designs that were attempts to solving this problem. This opened up my world to how I could actually use engineering outside of the typical Michigan path of designing engines for Ford.

The second half of the course was Technical Writing, which gave me tools to present technical information in a clear, concise and effective manner. Of course this skill set me up well for the rest of my undergrad studies and I still use technical writing frequently.

Thank you Professor Daida and thank you to my freshman engineering buddies Matt Weaver and Tyrone Carreker, miss you guys!!

question #3 - what does the word "success" mean to you?

2010-09-17T16:13:00.005+09:00

Of course I had all the best intentions of doing a question or two a day and I am already really behind. Countdown to my interview is 5 days!! I will do a few questions in the next few days. Mostly, this is just a good exercise for me, but I will share a few of my favorites.

QUESTION #3 - WHAT DOES THE WORD "SUCCESS" MEAN TO YOU?

Honestly, this might the hardest question to answer, because I can only attempt to put concrete words to a very intangible concept. I know success has nothing to do with money, degrees, awards or even accomplishments in general.

I believe success is mostly about love and joy. I will never be able to make my life 100% safe, secure and happy. By definition, with life comes death. Besides, most of life is all about the journey towards what we hope our lives might be intended for. Life is richer when it comes with the pain and failures that ultimately spur us into the joy and successes.

Merriam-Webster defines success as a favorable or desired outcome. Success is letting joy have the last word each day and letting love always win. If I take steps towards doing both of those things, I believe I will have success.

question #2 - if I was a cookie, what kind of cookie would I be?

2010-09-12T20:16:00.003+09:00

I figured I should start with a light-hearted question since, in the next few days, I'm going to dive deep into my goals, work ethic, weaknesses and all sorts of hot topics like abortion, medical marijuana and health care reform. I was researching typical med school interview questions and this was one I came across! I hope they ask me this!!

QUESTION #2 - IF YOU WERE A COOKIE, WHAT COOKIE WOULD YOU BE?

I LOVE cookies. My two favorite sweets by far are a warm, fresh-baked cookie and a gooey chocolate brownie. I cannot say no to either of those! I would rather go for a 5 mile run to offset the calories than turn down a cookie straight out of the oven. If I was a cookie, I would be a really big, soft peanut butter cookie made from real peanut butter. Then half of me would be dipped in chocolate. It's tasty, dependable, but has a little something unique with the chocolate. You can find these at Mary's Mountain Cookies. The Reese's company was seriously genius when they decided to capitalize on the peanut butter / chocolate combination, it really can't be beat!

pain scale for a femur break

2010-09-12T04:59:00.008+09:00

You MUST watch this video, it is hilarious!!

question #1 - why become a doctor?

2010-09-10T16:33:00.001+09:00

I got some feedback that I sounded a little negative in my recent blogs about healthcare, which might seem hypocritical since I am 12 days away from an interview for acceptance into medical school. I apologize for coming off that way, but I do think it is an advantage that I am gaining perspectives on all sides of the healthcare system; not just the hopeful educated, successful physician, but also the poor patient stressing about medical bills. Having said that, I am going to take the next two weeks to answer one question each day that I could potentially get in my interview as practice. Feel free to submit a question if you'd like!

QUESTION #1 - WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PHYSICIAN?

John Eldredge said it best when he said, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." There are dozens of serious world needs and my one life cannot come even close to solving or even serving in all of them. So when I think about makes me come alive, and in coming alive makes me dedicated, passionate, ethical and loving, it is helping people right in the middle of the muck of their lives. Every person will go to a hospital at some point in their life and no one wants to be there; young, old, rich, poor. You have ended up there because something that was going wrong with your body was confusing, frustrating and painful. As a physician I will get to be that person that gets to serve people in that time. I will get to greet them and problem solve with them. I will get to be a smiling, warm face that communicates to them in their own terms what is going wrong and what we can do about it.

Of course I am an idealist. I know it will be hard. I know that aren't always solutions. I know that people won't always be grateful. But I do know that I want to dedicate my life to learning so that I can serve people by being their doctor.

If you want to read my Personal Statement from med school apps, you may read it here.

seizures and medical bills

2010-09-04T07:36:00.007+09:00

I had a patient who was having all sorts of neurological issues including seizures, confusion, agitation, etc. In the 8 hours I was with him, the one thing he kept on saying was "credit cards." Over and over he pointed to a "drawer" and asked for his credit cards. I finally found out this was because he was worried about how he was going to pay for his hospital stay. He was hospitalized and having seizures, but his mind was fixated on his mounting debt. Anyone as medically unstable as this guy, cannot afford to waste energy stressing about medical bills.

Seeing this poor guy go through this, reminded me of my blog a few days ago about the ridiculously inefficient and overpriced healthcare system we have in the US. Here's the thing - I am going to be okay. I have an engineering degree, a good job and a supportive family. Even though I am in way over my head financially, I'll figure it out and one day crawl out of it. But how on earth do we expect someone with only a HS education, a job that barely makes minimum wage and a debilitating medical condition, to recover from something like this? It happens all the time in big cities, in suburbia and I saw it first hand in rural TN: a terrible insurance system, literally, destroys lives.

T.R. Reid has two great 60 min documentaries, Sick Around the World and Sick Around America. He shows how different healthcare systems work around the world and then how we can apply some of these methods to our own system. You can watch them free online here. If you have Netflix, both are available instantly.

recovery

2010-09-04T03:04:00.007+09:00

Today was a good day, a really good day! Since my accident, I have, of course, had a lot of ups and downs. I have spent a lot of the last year and a half recovering mentally and spiritually and it is now time to recover physically!!

The biggest task ahead of me is to strengthen the muscles in my leg. The best way to do this is consistent exercises like leg press. I am finally in one place and will be for awhile, so have started a routine. I have a long way to go, but I have already seen improvement. I went for a run today and ran 3 miles at 9:10 min/mi pace! This is huge!! I haven't come even close to this fast since before my accident. Ultimately, I have two goals:

1) Run at least the same pace I did for our spring training runs at Frontier Ranch in 2009, just under 8 min/mi for a 2 mile race.

2) Run another marathon

Here goes...

inefficiencies that drive me wild

2010-09-04T02:19:00.016+09:00

Our healthcare system is messed up. There really is not a more eloquent way to say it; that's the truth. I am speaking specifically about insurance and payment, but I know it's not contained within just that, clearly it is a very complex issue.

I got in a really bad car accident and this is the care I received: (Which was fantastic by the way!)
1) Ambulance to the closest ER
2) 5 hours in the ER
3) Ambulance to a major hospital in Denver
4) 2 hours in the ER
5) Surgery to put a rod in my femur and some screws in my kneecap
6) 5 days in the hospital

What do you think all that cost?! Over $100,000! Luckily, I had insurance. Not incredible insurance because I was in between being a student and finding a full-time job, but insurance with a high deductible.

But now, what do I get? A stack of bills 6 inches high that I do not have the money to pay. Not only do I not have the money, but I owe over 20 different providers, so I also do not have the time to manage it. The thing that frustrates me the most is not that I owe money and, at this point, it's not even how much I owe, but how INEFFICIENT the whole system is. The number of hours wasted running this thing we call a healthcare system is ridiculous.

If you look around the world, there are all sorts of ways for a healthcare system to work, some good, some bad and all that need at least a little improvement. However, the time, money and paper the US wastes in between providers, insurance companies, consumers, debt collectors, etc. is greater than any other country. Right now, of the entire amount spent on healthcare each year, the US spends 24% just on administration. Taiwan, the most newly developed system spends 5% and most countries spend between 8-14%. If we revamped our system to simply be more efficient and change nothing else, we would save billions! If the US cut the administration costs in half to 12%, we would have enough money to provide insurance to the 45 million uninsured people in our country. I think it's worth the change.

losing your mind

2010-08-31T13:33:00.003+09:00

I cannot believe how sad it is for a person to lose their mind, literally. I work in a hospital as a Nurse Assistant in the Float Pool. Because I am in the float pool, I am often assigned to what's called a 1:1. This means that for some reason the Dr. has ordered that a patient to have a person from the nursing staff in their room at all times. This could be because they are medically unstable, physically agitated, have attempted suicide or simply confused. Being confused seems like the calmest of all these; however, it's definitely the most common and most exhausting for the both the staff and the patient.

It is hard to see someone who used to be kind and compassionate turn into someone who is agitated and mean. It breaks my heart to see someone ask who their grandchild is. And it is terribly sad to sit in a room for hours while a person talks gibberish.

I have no solutions and nothing profound to say; just that, tonight, I am praying for and grieving with the 5.3 million people that have Alzheimer's Disease and the millions more who are affected by someone they love having it.

(Alzheimer's Association)

same kind of different as me

2010-08-29T03:35:00.003+09:00

I just finished Same Kind of Different As Me, by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. It's fantastic!!! I am definitely not a fast reader. I was proud of the maybe six books I read in three months of traveling with tons of free time. But I finished this one in four days! I have only done that one other time and that was with Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (also an incredible book).

It does a fantastic job of contrasting two stories of men living in worlds that could not be more different. One is an upscale art dealer and the other is homeless. It tells of the realities of slavery and homelessness today. It is about life, money, addictions, love, hope and changed lives!

life in baja

2010-03-28T23:11:00.012+09:00

I had the opportunity to spend two weeks in Bahia de Kino, Mexico. I am on staff with RMR Backcountry and we guide sea kayaking trips on the Sea of Cortez down in this area. We rent a beach house for a few weeks as our base camp. I was supposed to guide two of the trips, but sadly two weeks canceled because of recent violence in Juarez. (Sadly, these were misinformed decisions made mostly out of fear, the route and location of where we travel in Mexico has been deemed safe by ISOS, who analyzes international travel safety for businesses around the world. If you have any questions about this, please email me, we will DEFINITELY be doing more trips in the future!)

Because of this change, I ended up spending two full weeks in the Beach House. This time was filled with so much beauty I cannot do it justice with words, so I have several pictures below. I was blessed to spend the first week with 13 incredible girl friends from Fort Collins and the second week with a smaller group of mostly guides. It was filled with laying out, paddle boarding, kayaking, washers, worship, reading, laughing and a lot of great music. To be honest, if you know my personality, you know I got somewhat restless, but the Father used the time beautifully.

Instead of losing the opportunity to guide trips the last week, we have re-located to California! This afternoon we will hop on a ferry that will take us and two groups from Colorado to Santa Cruz Island for a week of camping. I am so excited that He has redeemed this week of trips and cannot wait to see what He has in store.

This is a view from Malibu, CA of Santa Cruz Island... next stop!

the spirit vs the kick drum

2010-03-03T08:18:00.001+09:00

Derek Webb does it again and comes out with a musically and lyrically genius album this summer. The song that still sticks out to me months later is "The Spirit vs the Kick Drum." It is all about how we just want the quick, new fan-dangled fix, instead of the spirit. When, in fact, the spirit leads us to a full, deep, beautiful life. Life without the spirit is:

Like sex without love
Like peace without the dove
Like a crime scene without the blood
I don't want the Spirit, you know I want the kick drum

GENIUS!!

His final chorus says:

I don't want the Father, want a vending machine

How true is that?! So many of us, myself included, just want to put a certain amount of ourselves in and know exactly what we are going to get out of it once we push a few buttons. We live as if we don't want the Father. It is true though, the Father does not provide that output. Instead the Father offers a relationship with incredible intimacy like we have experienced in no human relationship. The sad thing is that we limit this relationship to a vending machine mentality. We think, "if I have a quiet time every morning, go to a weekly Bible study and volunteer for a social cause on the weekends, I am doing pretty good."

Sure, we could live that way. But how much greater would it be if we took that risk to actually dive into a deep, vulnerable relationship with the Father?! I know HE is not counterfeit. I know his products will not leave me empty. He will not leave me in a downer as I come off the sugar high. His love fully satisfies. However, as in any relationships, we have to give our hearts in order to realize the depth of the love that is available to us. And it doesn't stop at love. We also get joy, peace, power, authority, favor, and on and on!

not in between things

2010-02-11T07:47:00.001+09:00

I am what some might say "in between things." New to Denver, missing Fort Collins, searching for another part time job, low on money, progressing in physical therapy, etc. However, I do not think the Father ever has us "in between things." I believe that is lie. I believe that I am right where he wants me to be. "In between things" assumes just a period of waiting for the next thing, instead I am actively pursuing a life of deeper relationship with Him... and his return on that is RIDICULOUS!!! I will purge that phrase from my vocabulary.

dancing with TN boys

2010-02-10T11:44:00.000+09:00

I read a quote the other day by Mark Twain that says:

On with the dance, let joy be unconfined.

I have not been able to get that out of my mind. That is it, that's life. Life is a dance, and we should literally be dancing through it. Joy should NEVER be confined. It should always be overflowing. Imagine if those experiencing joy allowed it to overflow, then those not experiencing joy could come and let the overflow rush over their lives.

Three of my greatest friends came to visit Colorado this weekend and it was incredible! We pretty much went straight to the mountains. We stayed at YoungLife's Crooked Creek Ranch for two nights and skied at Winter Park. Then we drove over to Toth's Ranch, where there was an epic tube run, the Super Bowl, great conversation and powerful worship! Being the good southern men that they are, they took care of me - they helped fix my car and just hugged me a lot.

This weekend went by so fast, but I felt like we danced. There were good times and bad, but, regardless, someone had joy overflowing onto the others. Thank you for a beautiful weekend, I love you.

i prefer a shot of grape juice

2010-01-19T07:02:00.000+09:00

I had a conversation the other day with my friend that took me back once again to my favorite musician in the world, Derek Webb. We were talking about how it's necessary for people to talk about sex, yet it's such a taboo topic. Our sexuality is inextricably linked to our spiritually and suppressing that is unhealthy. Instead we should be dialoging about it often.

Derek Webb is known for "calling out the church" or "crossing the line." Whatever you want to call it, I say he speaks the truth when everyone else is satisfied with living a bland, lukewarm Christianity. His song "A New Law" has put words to feelings I have had for years. The whole song is sarcastic, but calls out the fact that christians would rather have a clear law to follow, then to actually learn how to live in freedom with the spirit.

don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice

BRILLIANT

don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law

DOUBLE BRILLIANT

a light in the night

2010-01-17T08:16:00.003+09:00

There is hope in this situation. Yes, it is real, it is horrible and it is ruining lives. But there are solutions and steps forward to take.

1) Be AWARE. Learn more, tell more people about it, look for warning signs that someone might be in trouble.
2) Love someone. Love a woman. Love is the true healing power that everyone is looking for.
3) Get involved. There are dozens of great organizations doing wonderful things, but they need more help.

Night Light is changing the lives of women in Thailand. Whether it is a rural Thai girl who ended up in a bar to make money or an Uzbek girl who has been trafficked and is stuck in Thailand, they are offering ways out. They are offering jobs, community, healthy relationships and love. Please learn more about what they are doing at http://www.nightlightinternational.com/. In a nutshell, they work with women who agree to leave the sex industry by providing them a job making jewelry. They make high quality incredible jewelry, thus, getting paid a decent wage and they get to live a life of dignity. Buy some jewelry at the onl ine store.

the girl that got away - PART 2

2010-01-13T23:49:00.004+09:00

Deena was skeptical that this stranger could in fact help her, but she took the card and hung on to the hope that maybe it could be true. So one night she found an opportunity to run and she did. She got to the streets and ran. Imagine that, a 30 year old woman, sprinting down the streets with the hope of saving her life! Now she was in Bangkok all alone, free, but all alone. Luckily she knew a little English and so she found a phone and called that number.

The volunteers and staff of Night Light quickly went into action. Deena was picked up and for the first time in 6 months had a good night's sleep, safe and sound. These strangers were mostly westerners, American or European, but were so kind to her. Since she ran away with nothing, they pooled together money and resources and got her a change of clothes and a ticket home! Actually, it was too dangerous for her to go home without any money, so they bought her a ticket to Russia, where her brother lives. If she went directly home she would face too much danger from either her mother for returning without money or her traffickers, who most likely were watching her family. But she was getting to leave Thailand!!

Knowing her time in Bangkok was terrible, when we were talking one afternoon, I asked if she now hated Thailand. She actually said no, because all she could remember was the last two weeks since her rescue when everyone had been so nice. She said she does not remember any of the 6 months before that. It was clear that she would be psychologically affected for years to come, not to mention socially, emotionally and spiritually too!

I had the opportunity to spend a week with her while I stayed in Bangkok. I will never forget the unexpected joy that this woman held onto, despite all that she had been through. Some folks took her to the doctor because she was having chest pains. The doctor was Thai and did not speak English, so the communication was rough to say the least. The doctor kept asking her to do something and then left the room, but she did not know what he wanted. She first tried taking off her shirt, because she assumed he needed test around her chest. He came back in embarrassed and so it became that was not it. So then she tried taking off her bra too. Once again, that was wrong. So then she put it all back on, but that still was not it. Can you imagine?! A Thai doctor, a Central Asian woman, no common language and somehow they are supposed to figure out why she was having these intense chest pains! The amazing thing is that probably five or six times we would be sitting around the house and Deena would burst out laughing. She would remember the hilarious story and awkward interaction with the doctor and just die laughing.

If a woman who has been through so much and trust broken by so many people, can still have overflowing joy, why can't I? I will take that from my time with Deena. I hope to never forget the gift of laughter and joy and the healing power it had amidst the most unimaginable trauma.

the girl that got away

2010-01-13T23:27:00.003+09:00

There was a woman named Deena (true story, fake name). She lives with her mother in a Central Asian country. She has a 7 year old son and is also raising her sister's son because, sadly, she passed away from cancer. Her mother keeps pressuring her to make more money and do her part in raising these kids. There is also significant cultural pressure on her, because women carry the responsibility of taking care of their parents as they age.

Deena is offered a job in Bangkok working at a hotel. Thailand is not too far away so she decides to go, knowing that she could be back in as little as 6 months, but with a lot more money than she could make at home. She hates that it means she will leave her sons.

She gets to Bangkok and immediately realizes something is not right about the hotel she will be working at and now living in. The head woman, aka Mama-san, is extremely mean right away. There are several other girls that start working there at the same time as she does. That night she is sold to her first customer. She thought she would be doing housekeeping, waitressing, maybe working in the bar and maybe dancing, but had no clue that she would be sold repeatedly night after night to men who stay in the hotel. Unfortunately for her, the Arab men who come through Bangkok prefer central asian woman, so this particular hotel is filled with central asian women for the Arab customers.

Each day gets worse and worse and she realizes that the opportunities to escape are few and far between. One night, as she hangs out in the lobby waiting for a customer, she meets a girl named Kelly. Kelly kindly sits and chats with her. She asks about her family, her son, her likes and dislikes. She has a softness and joy that Deena hasn't seen for weeks. Kelly asks her if she wants to leave the hotel, which she of course says yes to. So Kelly gives her a card with a phone number on it that she can call if she ever needs help in getting out.

to be continued...
(it's a true story, it really is, I witnessed it first hand)

one night in a bar

2010-01-12T08:04:00.004+09:00

One of the hardest things I have ever done was step into the lives of the women in the sex industry in Bangkok. I had an opportunity to spend some time in a go-go bar in Bangkok with Night Light. It was the initial reason I wanted to go to Thailand in the first place and it did not let me down. Yea, it was horrible, in many senses of the word, but having the ability to put real faces with the names and stories I have been reading about, is priceless. Now when I tell their stories, they are that much more personal and that much more powerful. These stories have the potential to change lives!

President Obama declared yesterday, January 11, as International Human Trafficking Awareness Day. Please take an extra ten minutes after you read this to learn something more about the realities of the 27 million slaves in our world today to make yourself aware. I believe awareness is key, because the more people that know the truth, the more people that might do something about it.

I went out with Annie Diselberg, the founder of Night Light, to a go-go bar in Bangkok. We walked through the myriad of bars on the first level that were PG-13. Then as we headed upstairs we walked pass beauty salons where girls were getting ready beneath proudly displayed Britney Spears posters. We then stepped through the velvet doors into an R-rated bar where topless girls with numbers were up on stage. The biggest thing that surprised me was the blank look on their faces. They were not provocatively dancing on the poles inviting customers like you see in the movies, but rather barely swaying to the music with very apathetic faces. Not that I would prefer it the other way, but it was clear how lifeless this job had become for them. We were not in there for more than two minutes before one of the bar girls recognized a woman that came with us. She ran over and quickly started chatting with her friend. It was not long before she was proudly telling us that she was getting to go to Australia for two months. We were excited for her, but reality told us that this was most likely a trip with a client and who knew where she would actually end up.

Then, to my surprise, another girl came over and sat next to me. She had just started working as a hostess there and wanted to practice her English! Luckily I had just spent three months in Japan making conversation with teenagers who wanted to learn english. She told me at least three times that even though she had only been in Bangkok and working at the bar for two weeks that she hated it and wanted to know English so she could get a better job. I so badly wanted to take her out of there immediately, knowing that she was extremely vulnerable to being sexually exploited even though she was just a hostess. Her brother-in-law was the one who connected her with the job, so I knew she had nowhere to turn. We left that night with both girls having our number, knowing that if they ever wanted to practice English, get a nice meal or just needed anything that they could call.

Father, give them angels right now to protect them. Protect their bodies, their hearts, minds, value, life, hopes, dreams. Whatever situation they might be in, provide them with a way out. Remind them of the phone number they have that can lead them to a loving life. Send more and more angels to bring your glory into their lives and that whole place. You are so good!! Amen.

final thoughts on japan

2010-01-02T21:00:00.000+09:00

Since I have been back, I have had a million and one people ask me, "How was Japan?" I am thankful that people care, but it always poses the problem of wrapping up three months of life in a few sentences.

Overall, it was wonderful! It felt like I had been given the gift of time. When you are in another country all those little things that make you busy, even the pleasant ones like coffee dates, just don't exist. If we were done working at two, then we had the rest of the day to do anything. I caught up on emails with friends, spent time outside, read several books, watched movies and got a lot of sleep. It was glorious!!

I am thankful to have spent three months in Japan. Here are some favorites from my time:

1) Their obsession with face masks

2) The irony of the overly tiny Japanese people having a sport where to be good you need to be extremely fat = sumo wrestling

3) The qwerky signs everywhere.... thank you for showing me how to properly sit on a toilet!

4) The chaos of Tokyo, check out the video of this famously busy intersection

5) Tsujiki fish market at 6AM

6) Tokyo Disney Sea - yes, it was incredible and, yes, that guy is wearing a sparkly pink Mickey hat!!!

snowy, snowy mountains

2010-01-01T07:31:00.000+09:00

There is something so wonderful about the mountains of Colorado. I know there are other beautiful mountains all over the world, but there is something special here.

I had the opportunity to spend the last three days in the snowy, snowy mountains near Winter Park and now Breckenridge. The Starbucks I am currently hanging in Breck is one of my favorites in the world. They built this addition on the back that is full of couches, people and huge windows where you can watch the snow fall on the slopes. I have spent many afternoons here reading, warming up and spending time with friends and it is once again giving me an incredibly peaceful afternoon!

Thank you for reading my blog through my adventures in Japan. It was a fantastic outlet for me to tell my stories and simply process my experience. I have decided that I am going to continue blogging. I would be honored if you were entertained, inspired or just bored enough to keep following!! I have no clue what it will turn into, but I am confident it will include lessons I am learning, good books I've read and amusing stories of life.

In the next few weeks, I am also going to blog a few entries about my time in Thailand. The two weeks I had there were some of the best times of my life and I do not want to forget the things I saw or the people I met.

"My prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone." - Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

bangkok

2009-11-23T00:42:00.004+09:00

We are in Thailand!! I do not have anything profound to write, but I'll share nonetheless. The biggest thing I have learned in the past 48 hours of being here is how different Thailand is from Japan. I guess that can be partially attributed to hot-climate vs cold-climate cultures (see north vs south blog). Japan is a very orderly, conservative, by-the-book society. Thailand is a very colorful, loud, crazy society. To each his own, neither is right, just different.

Three things to note:

1) Mark ran the Bangkok marathon!! It was so fun to be at an international marathon. Kim and I watched him and her roommate Christi cross the finish line, which is right in front of the Imperial Palace.

2) I would rather be hot than cold. Even though people say when it is cold you can layer up, but when it is hot, you cannot do anything about it, I would still rather be hot than cold. After hearing Kim's stories of living in Russia and literally not touching the ground for over six months of the year because it was covered with ice, I have been convinced! The palm trees, oceans, chacos and tank tops that come with warm weather, can't be beat!

3) The poverty here is widespread. Bangkok is definitely a very developed city, complete with a huge mall that today had a Beatles cover band jamming out in the center; however, most places you go in the city, you see very serious poverty. Last night when we were walking from the sky train across a bridge to get over the highway, we walked pass four little kiddos sleeping on the bridge. They were all younger than six and the youngest was an infant, only a few months old. It was terribly sad!!!

We have a fun filled week ahead, so I hope entertaining stories will be plentiful!

dance with me

2009-11-14T06:06:00.004+09:00

One of my favorite memories from Northstar will always be the relationship between Yamaken (one of the senior leadership) and his four year old daughter Lyon (pronounced Lee-on). There is nothing like a father's love and it is a gift to see it genuinely lived out.

Every time the kids are around, at some point during the night, Lyon will climb up into Yamaken's lap and simply sit there. She will usually just admire her father. She will run her hands over his face. She will play with his shirt. She will lean her head against his chest and rest. And then she will do it all over again. He also plays with her. He will play the token horsey as she rides around on his back. He will coax her to being adventurous and jump on the trampoline with him. And one night, I even got to witness as, for ten minutes, Lyon put a show on for her father. She was acting, singing and twirling around, most of it nonsense, but all of it beautiful! I hope I never forget this pure example I saw of a father's love for his daughter and a daughter's fascination with her daddy.

One of the best songs I have ever heard is about just this. It is called Dance With Me by Ryan Long. The girl in the song ends up thinking that dancing on tables for men is all that she is worth. Whether it is a strip club, prostitution or even a low self-image, helping girls in these situations is something I hope to be involved in for a long time, so I LOVE the redemption in this song!!

monkeys chillin' in the hot springs

2009-11-10T11:50:00.005+09:00

It is true!! There are dozens and dozens and dozens of monkeys just hanging out, letting tourists take pictures, observe and definitely laugh at them. The Monkey Park (Jigokudani) is probably most famous for a visit from National Geographic.

Mark and I started heading towards Nagano, which is strangely unimpressive even though it hosted the 1998 Winter Olympics. About an hour after Nagano, we headed up the mountain and stumbled upon hilarious blown up pictures pointing towards the monkey park. We parked and walked about 20 minutes on a beautiful trail to once again find signs pointing towards the monkey park. We paid a small fee, turned the corner, and could not believe our eyes! We were thinking, "what if the monkeys are not around today, or there are only a few." Turns out, they are everywhere, even blocking the path we were walking down!!!

They were not afraid of us, not even when we put a camera right in their face. They just continued on grooming each other, eating, cuddling, playing and of course soaking in the hot spring. I was most amazed at how clearly their behavior resembled humans. When they were tired, they would lean on each other and take a nap. When they felt playful, they would chase each other. And there was even an alpha male that when he walked by, everyone got out of his way.

proud to be an american

2009-11-09T15:17:00.005+09:00

I just got off the phone (skype) with one of my favorite people in the world, Kathleen! It has made me think: what have I been learning? Why did I come here? Do not get me wrong, I am so thankful to have been given an opportunity to serve at Northstar and live in Japan for 3 months. The evidence is in any of my other blog posts.

One thing I have learned is that I am American and I am proud of it. There have been many times in my life where I have not been so proud of it. We are the land of excess, excessive eating, excessive purchasing, excessive corruption and even excessive wars.

But with all that set aside, we are also the land of coffee shops that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I get a hot bevi and sit down with a friend to catch up. We are small towns that go out to cheer on the local football team on Friday nights.

we have hope for the future when we set off for college
we have game nights where we get loud
we speak our mind
we show affection

We have so much, and with it, we will be able to help many people. My new favorite heroes are Bill and Melinda Gates. They have a talk that I recently saw called Impatient Optimists. It is about how what the US is giving to global health matters and is making a difference globally. Yet, at the same time, more is needed faster. And finally, how they are still optimists, but they have become impatient optimists.

I hope a large part of my life is serving those in need, whether in the states or abroad. And now more than ever, I am proud to be American, it has made me who I am and given me the resources to make a difference.

favorite pics

2009-10-24T14:31:00.009+09:00

These are a few of my favorite pictures that I have taken in the last two months. I have more posted on my Picasa account. ENJOY!

food is not my savior

2009-10-24T13:57:00.004+09:00

I think it is no surprise that food has become such an important tool for us. Whether we use it for energy, health, control, or religion, it is often misused. Trust me, I do not speak from a high chair, but rather a humble position, knowing I am as guilty as anyone of misusing food.

From an objective view, water is the only thing on earth more important to humanity. We can only live 1 week without water, but not much different, only two weeks without food. It is not a coincidence that the temptation Eve gave into was food; a ripe, fresh, juicy piece of fruit. Furthermore, food is not something we can simply abstain from. For those of us that are fortunate to have our plates full, three times a day, it is an exercise in moderation, freedom, thankfulness, stewardship, etc. If I live to be 80 years old, I will have at least 87,600 decisions to make about what to eat. And what an injustice that there are millions that never get a single choice?!

Last week, we had a group of kids that were as diverse as it comes. They were from Japan, Korea, North America, India, Europe, etc. With that, came a variety of dietary restrictions, from a peanut allergy all the way to a Jain diet, which excludes all meat, eggs, dairy and even root vegetables (potatoes, carrots, etc.).

Yes, food is AMAZING! I love that we have these intricately designed taste buds that allow us to enjoy eating. Additionally, is gives me thousands of opportunities to make a decision for holistic health for myself and the world. Having said that, food gives me energy. It is not a proper outlet for feelings, it is not my savior and I refuse to spend any more time thinking about it, unless it relates to LOVING PEOPLE!

the top of mount fuji

2009-10-08T15:12:00.004+09:00

It is true, Mark and I peaked Mount Fuji. It's one of those things that as I say it, it still does not sound real. Mount Fuji sounds like some mystical mountain in a land far far away. In reality, it is a 12,388 ft volcano that towers over Tokyo, and is famous for its cone profile and snowy peak.

It was the hardest hike I have ever done. It was actually only a little tougher than a hard 14er in Colorado, but with my weak leg, weather and the steep incline, it was difficult. But so worth it! The views on ascending hike are the most memorable. Because Fuji stands so high above the rest of the mountains in the area, it feels like you are literally on top of the world as you look down on the clouds, mountains and cities below. We made it to the top without any weather coming in, but as we were about 15 minutes into the 45 minute hike around the cone over to the actual highest point, the wind and rain literally made us stop. At one point, the wind was so strong, I was hovering on the ground hugging a rock and yelling for Mark. We decided its was time to turn around! We headed back down, tired and off balance from tired muscles, but we had conquered one of the world's most beautiful features!

After about 1/4 of the way, a man stuck his head out of his hut and pointed to a trail and said, "descending trail, descending, all the way down." Only about an hour later, we realized this was not the trail that was going to take us back to our car, but we had no other choice. We ended up on the opposite side of the mountain! A store owner at that trailhead tells us, "big mistake!" And then he calls a taxi, because of course buses were not running that day. He tells us it will be expensive, about $30. We finally got to our car, then the little Japanese taxi driver wrote us a bill for $199.20. Ouch, I guess the guy was write, BIG mistake!

imagination

2009-10-04T07:02:00.001+09:00

I just finished reading The Shack, my third book! It is a #1 New York Times Bestseller, and I can see why!! There are so many things I learned from it, better yet, experienced through it. The biggest thing I will take away from it is a reminder that my sense of imagination is vital to my life with the Father.

Defined by Wikipedia, imagination is the ability of forming mental images, sensations and concepts in a moment when they are not perceived through sight, hearing or other senses. Since I cannot see God, if I also cannot imagine him, then how do I ever expect to have a relationship with him?! Sure my imagination may not be exactly accurate when I first start, but the more time I spend with the Father, the more my image of him will form to his true character. Often times, imagination is seen as negative or only for crazy people. I even babysat for a family once that was trying to rid their child of his imaginary friend and so I was not able to say the word imagine or imaginary!

The definition continues that imagination helps provide meaning to experience and understanding to knowledge; it is a fundamental facility through which people make sense of the world. Wow! There is more meaning to my car accident, because I can imagine how much worse it could have been. I can understand calculus because I can imagine what an integral is for. And, finally, I can make sense of the world, because I can imagine the Father in control and the Holy Spirit with me every day. Remember, imagining does not mean something is being made up, it is forming a mental image, sensation or concept in a moment when it is not perceived by the five senses.

Last thing - this is crazy! There is an old house (shack, if you will) in a random field near Baker, one of Mountain T.O.P.'s camps in Tennessee. I have always been drawn to it. Every time I drive by, I stare at it as long as I can. Before I moved away, I took pictures because I wanted to capture the image I was so captured by. It is eerily similar to the picture of the shack on the front of the book!! How crazy is that?!

10 things i love

2009-09-28T17:39:00.007+09:00

10 Things I Love About Japan:

1) the small peaceful village of 600 that I live in at the base of the Norikura mountains
2) kooyoo - the changing of the autumn colors
3) immodest - yup, community showers and hot springs are all nude, separated by gender, but definitely no clothes. Luckily this last year I was taught a lot about freedom from Hoover and am more comfortable, and realizing that Americans are among the few thinking this is abnormal.
4) rocker hair - see the picture of my new friends
5) overly excitable teenage girls - anything we do as Americans is cool and definitely crazy, they even oohed and aahed when we brought out jello for dessert, imagine how they responded when I asked if they had crushes in the room!
6) cuteness and color - everything is small, colorful and plastic, hence, it is the country that created hello kitty
7) TOFU - they love tofu and vegetarian meals are a norm, yea!!
8) recycling - we have four bins next to every trash can for all the different materials that can be recycled, check out the recycling station in the Starbucks in Matsumoto (I dream that one day American Starbucks will have this too!)
9) mushroom party - so there's a village elder who offered to take us mushrooming picking. After wandering around the woods for three hours (see Mark's blog), he invited us over for dinner, where he would cook up all our mushrooms. This sporadic meal turned into an all night feast!!
10) saki - did you know Japanese people get red when they drink? It was hilarious because no one could hide how much they had been drinking! check out the video below of what saki might get you into.
11 - I cannot leave this one out) KARAOKE - yes, after mushrooms and saki, we pulled out karaoke, a favorite in Japan, check out the video below of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing."

no shoes, no hugs, no talking

2009-09-27T15:34:00.002+09:00

We had our first group of teenagers in camp! And I learned so much about Japanese culture. Let me tell you a few stories and lessons I have been learning about the culture:

1) Excessively clean
a) It is tradition to never wear your shoes inside in Japan. You can wear house slippers as long as they have never been outside in their lifetime. Thus, their floors are so clean that you could eat off them; and Mark literally ate mashed potatoes off of the floor when someone dropped them!!
b) Michie (whom I love) asked me today to make sure when I was dusting to get the tops of the shelves because they were getting really dirty. I did not see a single bit of dirt or dust on them as I was cleaning, and could have put my rag back in the clean pile, but now they are extra clean!
c) Seiya takes an average of three showers a day, so in his eyes I am filthy dirty because it has probably been three days for me!

2) Do not hug - well, at least not as often or as soon in a relationship as we do. I went to hug two girls today as I said goodbye and it was the most awkward interaction ever, little did I know, they were going for the high five... I guess they got more than they bargained for.

3) Crazy does not translate accurately - We took a group photo before they left. In this picture, Mark had just said,"everyone let's be crazy for this one." Mind you, they all go to a school that is taught in english, so they knew exactly what he said, but straight faces is as crazy as these high schoolers got.

4) It is horrifying to say, "No" - As Americans, we are used to being honest and saying what is on our mind, especially if it's in a work atmosphere. We all pitch in to help get things set up for meals, so I frequently pop my head in the kitchen and ask what I can do to help. Instead of simply telling me, "nothing right now," I have repeatedly been told that I can do the dishes. When I get to the sink, there might be two forks that need to be washed... but they successfully avoided having to use such a negative word.

We got a chance to lead the kids on a low ropes course, and this is what we discovered:
5) Distinct roles are important - It is common when leading a low ropes course activity that one very talkative kid will step up as the leader and kind of direct everyone else in the idea that he/she thinks is right to complete the challenge. After about 15 minutes, we like to silence this leader, to give other people a chance to speak up. Because these kids are most comfortable when they are acting in their specific role and nothing else. After we silenced the natural leader, no one else spoke up and so he continued to lead by physically moving people because he could not talk. AMAZING, I have never seen anything like it before!!

6) Never ask a directed question - It is apparently the most terrifying thing in Japanese culture to be directly asked a question. We often spend a few minutes debriefing our ropes course activities. I have pried answers out of kids when I worked at Mountain T.O.P. for years. But here, there was no special skill or rephrasing that was going to get these kids to answer a question in front of their friends.... just crickets, question after question, all I got was crickets.

*Really though, we had a blast this weekend and the kids were wonderful!

the north vs the south

2009-09-24T09:15:00.003+09:00

I just finished reading a book called Foreign to Familiar that Northstar suggested we read to help further understand our cross-cultural experience. Little did I know that this book would speak most to my time at Mountain T.O.P. For two years, I lived in the rural town of Altamont, TN nestled in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. It was obvious that this was a foreign land to me in many ways, but it all seemed oriented around my status as a Yankee. At first, I laughed when they called me this, because I did not realize people still used that term today. Looking back now, it is true that simply because of where and how I grew up, I was an outsider in the south. This does not mean that I never felt comfortable there; first of all, being associated with MTOP, for many people, automatically put me on the inside. And after living there for two years, it is certainly one of the places I call home.

The book lays out two general types of cultures: hot-climate and cold-climate. The author makes it clear that this does not apply for every individual, but rather the way a particular culture acts as a whole. You could be a cold-climate personality raised in a hot-climate culture and vice versa. These two categories were first defined by Thomas Jefferson in 1785 as he was noting differences between the north and the south in the United States; however, today it is commonly used to describe cultures all over the world. No one really knows why the climate might make a difference, but it might be a matter of agrarian- versus industrial-based economics. Cold climates typically were industrialized first as they could not live year-round off of agriculture as easy as the hot climates could. This may be the reason that cold-climate cultures are typically task-oriented, independent, succinct with communication, and value time very highly. On the contrary, hot-climate cultures are typically relationship based, group dependent, feeling-oriented and value people very highly.

Being from Michigan, this may explain why I pride myself on being independent, why I am obsessed with efficiency and naturally define myself by my achievements. However, this may also explain why I am so attracted to communities that are interdependent, have decided that in my life people will always come before tasks and have learned in recent years the joy of showing my true feelings. This is the most beautiful part of it all: two cultures meshing together in unique proportions to create extraordinary people and, thus, extraordinary communities.

Livestrong

2009-09-22T20:51:00.004+09:00

Today we hosted a Livestrong Challenge. About 20 people accepted the challenge and road biked 100K up Norikura mountain, across a ridge and back down to Northstar. This route was grueling and it was rainy and cold all morning. But they pushed on because they knew they were doing it for a bigger cause. Check out pics of the event here! It was a significant day for Dan, our director, because this fall marks one year since he was diagnosed with skin cancer. By God's grace, the most recent tests showed that the cancer has not spread and most was removed in surgery!

My brother, Aaron, is my biggest inspiration to live as strong a life as possible. He had acinic cell cancer when he was 22 years old. Also, by God's grace, it never spread and all the cancer cells were removed in surgery. At such a young age, it reminded all of us that life is never to be taken for granted. We need to work at living as healthy as possible to put up the best fight we can against cancer, or any disease for that matter.

This video has already made me cry three times!

david was my idea

2009-09-21T21:11:00.005+09:00

Some things stirring in my head since reading "Dreaming With God":

Too often Christians desire humility in a twisted way that comes out as a none-of-me, all-of-God, mentality. Yes, John 3:30 says "He must become greater and I must become less;" however, this statement is said by John the Baptist, when he was passing the baton to Jesus. This statement was never meant for Christians today to lose their identity in Christ; conversely, we find our identity in Christ. This does not mean that my identity IS Christ; it means that my identity is who I fully am as Betsy Ruhlig.

Last year I tattooed "Daughter of the King" on my foot. When I first heard the term Daughter of the King, it revolutionized the way I viewed myself. If I am the Daughter of the King, then I need to start acting like it! I am a beautiful, royal woman who has much to offer this world. That is not something to diminish in an attempt to "glorify God," but rather should be magnified! And if I am the Daughter of the King, then surely the dreams I have are not useless.

We are created to literally dream with God. It seems as though some people wait their whole lives to hear from God to be sure they are following his direction, when instead they should have tuned into the dreams already in their head. He created us to be wise, creative and imaginative people. 1 Kings 8:15-17 tells a story of God choosing David and then David having it in his heart to build a temple. Basically, God is saying, "The temple wasn't my idea; David was my idea." I was His idea!!

What is Northstar all about?

2009-09-20T07:18:00.001+09:00

Undokai, Steeze and the Muffin Man

2009-09-17T08:30:00.013+09:00

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Yesterday was Undokai in Norikura!! Undokai is sports day and, with Norikura being a small mountain town, it is a very big deal. Everyone in the village participates, even the mayor, who lost in musical chairs, yet still won a roll of saran wrap... I am sure a big victory for him! All of the kids up through middle school are broken into two teams, red and blue, and compete in several different competitions: relay races, tug of war, dancing, etc.

The video below is incredible, please pay special attention to the adorable kid with the glasses.

I have mentioned Seiya to you before and his incredible wardrobe of steeze, but it was brought to new levels, when I discovered his velvety pink snowboard boots sealed with a kiss. I am learning so much about the culture from Mr. Steezey Japanesey (a nickname his friends gave him)! He spent all last night showing one of our friends at Local Bouldering night the new Burton catalog. Have you seen it?! It has a striking resemblance to the Good Book, which coincidentally is its title!!

Finally, when Ann came over last night, Michai quickly said, "Is this the Muffin Man?" We all died laughing!! If you did not read Mark's story the other day about the Muffin Man exchange you should, but it basically was an exchange between Mark and Michai trying to clarify who actually was this Muffin Man that we speak of.

Banff World Tour

2009-09-14T20:29:00.003+09:00

On Saturday night, around 300 people came out to watch outdoor adventure films. This is unprecedented for Japanese culture! We are in a small village, called Norikura, of about 600 people. We have a ski resort, lots of hiking trails and a ton of abandoned lodges. The film festival had four showings in Tokyo, a metropolitan area of 35 million people, and each had about 60 people. But out where we are nestled into the mountains, we attracted more than four times as many people.

I will eventually talk more about Northstar and its goals, but one is certainly to expose Japanese people to the wonderful world of outdoor sports, and this was a huge step!

Tragic Accident

2009-09-13T09:32:00.002+09:00

This morning, we just found out that while we were at Kamikochi yesterday a climber died and the helicopter on its way for the rescue crashed and all three rescue workers aboard also died.

Check out the article in the Mainichi Daily News.

Kamikochi

2009-09-13T07:22:00.005+09:00

We spent all day on Friday walking around Kamikochi in the Chubu Sangaku National Park. This is a famous part of the Northern Japanese Alps. Many people were confused when I told them I would be hanging out in the Japanese Alps, because there is no way they are physically connected to the Swiss Alps. The British guys that first discovered and realized how incredible this region of mountains is, coined the term Japanese Alps because they looked very similar to the European Alps. So there is your answer!

The picture with all five of us flashing the Japanese favorite of the double peace sign has an active volcano (Yake Dake) in the background... FIRST time I am seeing that!! It last erupted in 1995 killing two people! Apparently there are also monkeys running around this park, but I was not fortunate enough to see them.

It was a beautiful place. The deep green color was again impressive. The entire area was gorgeous from the ominous mountains (up to the third largest in Japan) and the drastic cliffs to the quaint wooden walkways. We get to guide kiddos from an international school around this park and tell them all about the different features and the history of the area. I am excited to guide again! :)

the precious gift of life

2009-09-11T07:44:00.002+09:00

I was debating back and forth what to blog about this morning, but after a dream last night, I am confident of what to share.

Unfortunately, last night I had a dream about a friend of mine dying. This has happened to me several times in my life, typically, once I have become really close to someone. I am sure it is rooted from losing three friends in a tragic car accident in high school and then having another three years later be electrocuted and become severely debilitated.

Coincidentally, yesterday morning Dan (our director) shared about his reflections a year after hearing that he had malignant melanoma and was given 6 months - 5 years to live. It is clear that I am already going to begin unpacking the effects my recent car accident might have on my life.

I never want to dwell on death, but it is a reality in the broken world in which we live. I will continue to pray that life conquer death here on earth. I will believe that the supernatural overcomes death. And I will live knowing that the life I have been given is a gift. I will breathe in the fresh air. I will keep my eyes open. I will enjoy today. I will take opportunities. I will laugh. I will sing. I will dance. I will worship. I will leave a legacy.

Last night we had a pizza party and worship time with all of the staff and their families. It was an incredibly beautiful time of life. I closed my eyes and this is what I heard: the kitchen, the children, the water, the chairs, the laughter, the breathing, the papers, the crying, the sighs, the prayer, the worship, a father tickling his daughter and then giving her kisses. It is one of most beautiful things in the world to see a fathers love for his daughter!

Thank you for visiting my blog and listening to my thoughts. I hope that today you see the beautiful in the world.

does it get any greener?

2009-09-08T17:30:00.006+09:00

This morning I woke up around 7:30AM, which is amazing considering I was supposed to have jetlag and not sleep through the night. This just proves that my spiritual gift is sleeping.... seriously, anytime, anywhere!

Then Mark and I walked to "work," which is less than ten minutes and as you can see quite a torturous view. We don't start until tomorrow, so today we had the day off to unpack and get situated. Instead, Mark and I went hiking! Check out this beautiful waterfall!

I want to tell you about the people I get to spend the next 2.5 months with:

Americans
Mark (in both pics): he guided at Wilderness Ranch last summer, has a passion for hot dogs, loves anything related to Kansas City and was the person who made me re-think the possibility of going to Japan!

Dan: The Director of Northstar. His energy is amazing, I think it will be easy to follow his lead.

Seth: After discussing the new iPod touch that's about to come out, I knew we would be friends. For those of you that know Alex, thus far he is very Knoop-like, which makes me happy.

Brad: Seems great, he was gone all day, so I'll know more later.

Jeff: Also a seasonal staff person, but he doesn't get in until tonight. I know he's American and he likes the outdoors, but that's all!

Japanese
Mitchie: She was the first person at Northstar to greet us, she is definitely super sweet and all smiles.

Kayo: She feeds us! For lunch today we had vegetable tempura that was incredible!! (but, she is no Laura Hoover)

Yamaken: After I saw him bunny hop on the back wheel of his mountain bike like it was no big deal, I knew he was legit.

Saiay: I have one word, STEEZY! All fall he is working on getting the snowboard park that is in Northstar's front lawn ready for the winter. He is about our age and by the looks of his fashion, an amazing snowboarder.

Food Moment - I could go on about this for hours. Mark and I made a pact to try everything once. We'll start with how we spent $5 on drinks and could only stand two sips. At a highway market we opted for the familiar french fries that were soggy and just as bad as the unrecognizable packed jerky-like treat we got as a welcome gift from Northstar. Finally, as a mid-afternoon snack, we just took what can only be described as jello shots!

Quote of the Day - Mark Spiegel on the jerky-like treat, "It's not terrible, but I wouldn't go as far as to stay it's good."

We have arrived!

2009-09-08T16:44:00.002+09:00

After over 24 hours of traveling, I made it to Northstar last night. There were plenty of adventures to get us there, including a man with a red flag and a huge hot dog statue. My friend Mark is my new BFF and traveling partner for the next three months and his blog comically explains all about our travels. Check it out at markspiegel2.blogspot.com

headed to Japan

2009-09-04T10:18:00.000+09:00

I am headed to Japan! This probably seems like it is coming out of nowhere. It all happened so fast!

I will be writing a blog for my time away. I would be honored, if you wanted to keep up with my stories. Some of it will be stories of what I have seen and done and some of it will be what I am learning about life. I do not know what it might turn in to, but I have had a lot of people request that I share my experience, so that is what I am going to do!

A little background on how I ended up in Japan and what I am doing there:

I fell asleep at the wheel and had a terrible car accident in April. I broke my femur and my knee cap and have had months of physical therapy. I know that night will affect my life for years to come. An obvious lesson I have already learned is that I do not have control over my life. No matter how many plans I make for my future, they will change. Yet, because of that, I am confident that my life will turn out more beautiful than I could ever make it myself. Needless to say, my life felt like it got thrown into a blender very quickly, as I didn't have a job, wasn't in school and didn't have a place to live.

I had a friend (Mark Spiegel) tell me that I should come Northstar. Initially I told him that I have always wanted to go, but that I couldn't. I didn't think that I would physically be capable of guiding by that time. But I could not get the idea out of my head! After a lot of praying and sorting out logistics, it started to become a possibility. Both my surgeon and my physical therapist cleared me and then even urged me to take this opportunity! So I applied, was accepted, and am about to travel for over 24 hours to get there!

For 2.5 months I will be working at an Outdoor Adventure camp called Northstar. I will be guiding day hikes, belaying for the rock wall, leading ropes course and small group activities and, if my leg is strong enough, helping on mountain bike rides. Our participants are either school trips, international youth groups or local adventure seekers.

I am thankful that I have the ability to say yes to an opportunity like this. I am excited to spend several weeks in the mountains. I am hoping it will be a very peaceful time. I am expecting this will be a time for reflection. I am expecting to have great adventures. I am expecting to be closer to the Father than ever before!

Thank you for who you are in my life!
-Betsy-